Many of our theme songs sound a little like Beyoncé singing Resentment “I’ve tried and I’ve tried to forgive this, but I’m much too full of resentment”. Can you relate? I’m sure if not at this exact point in your life but at some point in your life you related to this exact line and maybe even this whole entire song. I sang it, I mean I sang it like I was Bey and she was going to give me a check, but why? This song was an anthem, especially when I was hurting, when someone hurt me, the lyrics made me think about past hurts, whether my hurts were from family, friends, enemies or others. My hurts came from a dark place in my heart, a place where I had hidden them and thought I’d let go but I held on to them and never realized it.
Holding on to unforgiveness can hinder our lives. It hinders us from reaching our full potential in life. Purpose can’t be found, passion can’t be uncovered and love is somewhere in a sea waiting to be found. Unforgiveness blocks our view, our view of the things we hope and pray for, wish we could have but we haven’t learned to forgive. I never understood the saying “forgiveness isn’t for the person but for yourself” until I forgave. I realized I was holding on to hurts that were not mine, that were misunderstandings. I realized once I let go of the hurt and I forgave, my life became complete again. The people I needed to forgive, never knew I held on to the hurts, confusion and pain, but I’m sure the day our relationships began to bud into something greater they knew a shift happened somewhere in our lives.
Forgiving someone isn’t easy, trust me I understand that part. But forgiving them is necessary.
You may be someone who’s reading this and saying to yourself “This isn’t for me, I don’t hold unforgiveness in my heart” but as soon as someone says a certain name, you begin to talk about an event or events or chain of events, in vivid detail. This post is for you, too. You haven’t let it go.
4 Signs You Aren’t Ready to Forgive
1.You constantly bring up the same issues over and over again.
You sound like a broken record!!! LET IT GO ALREADY!!! You aren’t going to fix it or talk to the person that is causing the issues so let it go.
2. Every relationship or friendship you enter, you make them pay for the mistakes of the last bf/gf or friend.
Mr. Wasn’t so Right, isn’t this guy!!! This guy has a whole new set of issues or potential issues. Stop making others pay for someone else’s tab when they weren’t at the table.
It’s not fair!! It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to your new boo! Let the past be the past, remember your lessons, but don’t bring the baggage. If you never learn or allow yourself to let things go from your past, every new relationship will resemble the previous relationship, because you are building with the same foundation but a different frame.
“Let it Go! Don’t make them pay”
3. You don’t trust anyone, not even yourself.
You’re in a relationship, the guy is telling you all that you want to hear. He’s a complete gentleman, treats you like a queen, talks to you about everything, holds nothing back but when you get a chance you go through his phone, you eavesdrop on conversations. You are always suspicious of everything he is doing and the first sign of failure is your first sign to run, why….SEE #2……..
You have to allow yourself to trust at some point. Now don’t be naïve about it but you must learn to trust again. Is it easy? NO! But the more you allow yourself to let go of the past, the more your future will be open.
4. You force your negative experiences on others. This is for the woman who can’t let it go. Thanks for the advice but no thank you!
Every person isn’t the same. Just because their situation sounds like your situation doesn’t mean the outcome will be the same. Don’t force the negative, if the negative is not warranted.
I’m sure you are reading this and thinking to yourself, I keep holding on to craziness and for what?!?! You don’t have the slightest clue. The person who hurt you, they are probably moving on with their lives and not thinking about what they have done but you, my dear, you are still thinking about it. If you don’t want to talk to the person, if you don’t want to resolve the issue, you don’t want to let it go and you don’t want to heal. I’m going to ask you today, to look over the matters of your heart, if you are holding on to something, whether it’s big or small and ask yourself
- Does it hinder my growth?
- Can I change it?
- Do I want the situation to get better?
- Is this a situation that can be taken care of face to face or do I need to seek counsel? (Family Counselor, Marriage Counselor, Therapist, etc.)
Once you’ve answered these questions, toke action. Let it go, work it out and let your heart heal.